Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend told me I was beautiful, and I believed him. Part of me believed him because he is good to me and I trust him, but another part of me believed him because before him other men told me I was beautiful, and before them my best girlfriends told me I was beautiful, and before them my parents told me I was beautiful, so that even on my lowest days, a part of me remembers that I am beautiful.

I can tell you right now, there are things about me that aren't beautiful. I'm short, with barely any torso between my legs and boobs. Remember crop tops? Out of the question for me. My feet are square shaped and one of them has a permanent scar from surgery when I broke it last year. Goodbye strappy sandals. My fingers are stubby, with calluses on my left hand from guitar playing and chomped on, super short nails. So my hand-modeling ship has sailed. And that's not all, even things I like about myself, others have said are unbecoming. My eyes are too big, my hair is too short, my eyelashes look too spidery. Yet, even when I'm feeling bloated, scarfing down a pancake that is larger then my head, or even if I haven't showered, my hair is stringy and I wouldn't dream of going out in public, a part of me still knows I'm beautiful.

A very dear friend of mine is going under the knife next week to change the way she looks. This friend is a knock-out, I had to stop bringing her around my old apartment because my roommate was so close to jumping her. She's charming and fun and smart, and absolutely beautiful. I think there are a lot of little things that we don't think to say to people we are close to. Mom knows I think she's funny, Dad knows I respect him, and my friends know that I think they are beautiful, but maybe those are things that should be heard. I am not judging this friend for her decision, it's her decision to make. I know everyone is different, and wants different things, but I really hope that this girl that I grew up depending on, caring about, and sometimes feeling jealous of knows that she's already beautiful.